Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
