drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
