I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
