woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I need a beard to bite.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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