pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
