I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
