Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
