Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
