Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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