if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
