He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
