Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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