Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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