My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
