apparently the secret to your success is patron
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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