i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
