she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
