Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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