you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
