look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
