I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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