I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
