Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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