so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
