we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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