I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
