My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
