We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
