Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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