I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
