I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
