How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
