my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
