i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
