Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She told me I should be a condom model.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
