Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
