You're completely useless in the revolution.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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