The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
