Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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