that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
