conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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