On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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