I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
