TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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