I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
