She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
