She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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