Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
nutella sex= disaster
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
