My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
