I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
