I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
