No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
