dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
