You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
