the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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