i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
