3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
